Sleep
by YasashiiKawa
Summary: A day in the life of Light. Takes place after he's regained his memories, but is still handcuffed to L. Spoilers for... the first half of the anime.


**Sleep**

There were no windows in this room. No real light, just artificial florescent rays beating down on him, making his head throb. There was no way to escape the harshness that shined above him. Running stopped him with a sharp tug on his wrist and a curious glance from night dark eyes. There were no windows in this entire place. Had he always been claustrophobic or did this place make him that way?

His eyes roamed the room again, too bored to stay on task, too tired to stare at the screen in front of him. A space on the wall, not particularly special, caught and held his gaze. He was envisioning a large picture window there. He was seeing himself happily jump out of the window to get the hell out of here. The chain around his wrist clinked as it was shaken to wake him from his suicidal daydreams.

"Light-kun, are you alright?" The voice was in his ear, in his very brain it seemed. It seemed to come to him from all around, bouncing off the high walls and ricochetting across the room to settle snugly in his head.

Death was in his thoughts, laced his reply to his keeper. "I'm fine, Ryuuzaki. Just a little tired." He knew there would be no reprieve for him tonight though. His own words fell on deaf ears and granted him only a shallow smile of fake concern from the sugar addict next to him. Sleep was out of the question.

Ryuuzaki kept the smile on his face as he turned back to his computer screen. "We'll take a break soon." Lies. Polite lies that fooled everyone else but him. Light felt his fingers clench and could not stop the images of death from flooding his brain. Blood and sugar and if only he could get his hands on some glass...

"Alright," his voice was resigned. Would be as hell bent on killing Ryuuzaki if he wasn't so damn tired and feeling so crowded? He wondered about his rationale and the state of mind he was currently in. His eyes scanned his screen blankly, catching words here and there, articles and fake leads he had set up himself.

This insane bloodlust was temporary, right? Caused by malnutrition and other circumstantial things. Ryuuzaki would probably, in any normal situation, be his friend. Or at least someone intelligent he could talk to. In the beginning they had very good conversations that went on into the night, making him forget about the sleep he so craved now. They would get drunk off each other, testing and challenging the other's wit. It was their version of fun. Light thought less about killing in the beginning. His mind wasn't stained red and he didn't know the effect that a lack of sleep and vitamin D caused.

Or maybe they would still be enemies. Not the kind of enemies they were now. Light had accepted that their relationship was one of begrudging respect and underlaid with intent to kill only to win, not to see the other die. Light did not taking losing well. They might hate each other because they were so different. Light could imagine a world where the Death Note didn't exist, but he still dreamt of killing this man. Not the world he wanted to live in, but a good back up on the very off chance that he did not end up reigning over his own New World.

The hours dragged and Light had no sense of night and day. He spoke to Ryuuzaki when he felt it was necessary and grated his teeth in irritation at the slightly condescending replies he received. A window could serve to throw someone out of. His mind was still sharp enough to think this as he was getting the run down on the next day's activities.

"...Then a meeting, I think. We need to see where we all stand, yes?" The dark haired male kept speaking. Light noticed he never made hand gestures. He never blinked. He never gave conversational cues to let the other speaker join in. Maybe strangling that pale throat would be a fitting way to go. Speaking is a privilege one should not take for granted. The silence with Ryuuzaki gone would be like music to Light's ears. His hand twitched with longing. He could almost feel the warm skin and gentle heartbeat under his fingers. He had toi fight the urge to reach across the desk and slip the chain around the delicate neck that was fully exposed to him as Ryuuzaki searched for a snack.

Light nodded occasionally and pretended to be interested. He even had a few bites of sugar cookie, acting like the good prisoner he was supposed to be. He knew this whole thing was a farce. Ryuuzaki knew he was Kira. All he was waiting for was evidence. All Light was waiting for was the right time to strike. Lies were thrown around like casual conversation and accepted as truths by the others. The masterminds knew better though. Chained together, always near the other, they were two parts of the same whole. Twisted by deadly intentions and cruel circumstances, Light knew early on that this was as close to love as he would get.

At night (or whenever it was that) Light tried to sleep, wished for it, prayed for the ability to close his eyes and take advantage of the few hours he was being given. But his mind, and the humming of the laptop next to him would not allow it. He squeezed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"I thought Light-kun was tired," Light growled lowly at the amusement he heard in the other's voice. Again, his fingers itched to hit the man.

He glared at the hunched figure at the other end of the handcuffs. Silhouetted by blue light from the screen, Ryuuzaki looked like a monster. His hair stood wildly around his head and his skeletal fingers hovered over the keys as if they were his prey.

"I am, actually. It would be helpful if you could shut that computer off. The light bothers me," Light tried to sound pleasant, but he knew his request was whiny and juvenile. He tugged on the chain between them to punctuate his words.

Ryuuzaki smiled slowly and turned owl eyes to him. "Kira likes the dark?" He balanced his index finger on top of the screen and slowly shut it, surprising Light. As gratitude, Light decided that maybe going into diabetic shock would be less terrible than being strangled or tossed out a window. Light could be generous as well. He would even let the Kira comment slide.

He smiled into the sudden darkness and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to come to him. He didn't want to waste anymore precious time before he was sure Ryuuzaki would wake him and set him in front of a computer again.

He ignored the mattress shifting beside him. They had established that sleeping in the same bed was more convenient and comfortable. Light's mind supplied him with the thought that this was what people in love did, wasn't it? And weren't they in love, in a manner of speaking? Another part of his brain replied that people in love didn't fantasize about killing their partner, and weren't usually kept chained unless requested. His eyes snapped open as images of pale, naked limbs tangled with his own flashed in his mind's eye. This was not helping him sleep at all.

Ryuuzaki scooted closer to him and propped himself up on his elbow. Light could feel him staring and glanced at the dark figure next to him. "What?"

"You are still not asleep," Ryuuzaki pointed out. He leaned closer and inspected Light's face with a curious grin on his face. His hand crept over Light's belly and tugged his body closer. Another game they played with each other. How close could they get before one of them snapped (usually Light) and a fight broke out.

Light sighed irritably. "No, I am not." He jabbed his elbow into the soft flesh of Ryuuzaki's side and smiled smugly at the whoosh of air that it caused. However, he made no further attempts to loosen the tight grip on his body. Murderous thoughts were warped into sexual ones as Ryuuzaki settled down next to him. Maybe death by orgasm? That's a lovely way to go and it would benefit both of them. Light added it to his list of possible ways to kill Ryuuzaki.

"Kira-kun, look at what we have become," Ryuuzaki's voice was a whisper in his hair. But at least it was not a lie. His words rang true and needed no response from Light. He shrugged, knowing what the other meant. He knew this really was love, this terrible, skewed thing that they had. Sleep was not an option most nights because of this. Arms wrapped around each other, clinging desperately to the truths they knew. Sleep meant trust, and Light knew that this man holding him, chained to his wrist, this man that inspired such dark thoughts and blazing rage, was the only person on the planet that he trusted. God needed no one and sleep meant acknowledging that Light _did_ feel like he needed Ryuuzaki.

While his mind finally shut off, and his eyes slid closed, Light did not sleep. He did not dream his usual dreams of death. Instead, he just listened to the sound of his breathing matching the rhythm of Ryuuzaki's and thought that this might be the best way to die; in the arms of this genius detective who loved him not for the Light that he was for others, but for the Kira that he knew he was.


End file.
